Bullying is a repeated and toxic behaviour that is aggressive and can potentially be dangerous. It involves a real or perceived power imbalance between the abuser and the victim. Its purpose is to deliver physical or psychological harm to another person. It is a means of a person choosing to abuse power and control over another. This is a toxic pattern that can be passed on from an adult to a child (because children love to copy everything that adults do) or a calculated choice that an adult makes.  
We usually would think bullying would be limited to school and children. Wrong! Bullying can happen anywhere and irrespective of age group. It can happen between children (at home or in school), at home with family members or extended family members, at your workplace (colleagues, manager or even your boss) and sometimes, amongst your friends (surprise!). Remember, bullies (boys, girls, men & women) are only as powerful as we allow them to be.  
Below are explanations to why someone chooses to bully another and strategies that you can incorporate to cope with bullying- 

Understand the bullying/ their motivation: Bullying is a learnt behaviour. Bullies are people who are trying to make up for some shortcomings of their own. Their own insecurities (perhaps stemming from their own prejuide- based attitudes at home or learnt behaviour from abuse) make them want to feel empowered by picking on people who they perceive as weaker or someone others look up to. Being bullied is not a choice that someone makes; so this is not your fault. Bullying is more of an issue about the bully than it is about you. Once you understand this, it would be easier to follow through with the other steps. 


If you feel safe (and brave enough), then please address the bully: In some cases, the bully might not be aware that they are bullying you. This is true. Some people are misinformed or do not recognise that their form of communication can be toxic for others. If you feel brave enough and when you do confront the bully; remind yourself to be respectful in your tone. Please rehearse what you want to say and use ‘I’ statements when you communicate. Try and make your speech as emotion-less as possible. This would rob the bully the satisfaction of getting the desired reaction from you. 


Separate yourself from the bully: We are big on boundaries. When you recognise that someone is not being respectful of you and your space; it is best to keep them at an arm’s length. By doing this, you are being respectful of you – an example of putting yourself first in a healthy manner. It is a clear message to the bully/ies and others that you donot tolerate toxic behaviour. If there are opportunites that present themselves to you to get away from your bully, take them!  


Don’t give them the satisfaction: The bully (whether they are aware of their actions or not) feel encouraged to continue with their negative behaviour when they get the desired reaction from their victim/s. So, to rob them of the satisfaction, try your best not to react in haste or in anger. Instead, try to respond in a cool, calm and collected manner that will only infuriate your abuser. 


Don’t be silent: When you’re going through a stressful or difficult situation, it can overwhelm you and you may feel that you are unable to think or see  straight. Victims of bullying usually are more scared and jumpy which causes them to pay less attention to tasks at hand, feel more stressed and possibly be unproductive. Addressing uncomfortable situations, including being bullied, is in a way of standing up for yourself. We encourage you to share your experience with your parent/ teacher/ guardian/ mentor/ friend/ HR and tell them about how this experience makes you feel. If they can help you take action against the bully, great! But express yourself, rather than keeping it all to yourself. 


YOU are not the problem: Again, we cannot emphasis this enough. You are not the problem. The person who is bullying you is the one with the issue.  


If this is happening at your workplace, we encourage you document every event, including the times you have asked them to stop. Remember to add details like place, time, day and date of the event. If you have witnesses for the events and willing to support you when you make a formal complaint, great! Request them to give you written statements supporting the same. If bullying incidents have occured via email, texts, or any other means of correspondence, then please maintain a hard copy of the emails and texts. The benefit of technology is that every thing is dated and time stamped. You can save these on your computer or make a soft copy and save it in a safe place. If you decide to a complaint against your abuser in the future, then all the saved documentation and witnesses will come handy. 


Please donot isolate yourself: Depriving yourself of any form of support isn’t going to resolve the issue nor will it help you handle the bully or the episodes of bullying. We understand that it may feel like the best thing to do at the time, but it will only make things worse for you by silencing yourself. Forced isolation will have a negative impact on your self-esteem and self- worth. Often people who have been/ are bullied may see themselves as victims, but it’s important that you look beyond that.. We encourage you not to let the bullying dictate who you are. 


Bullying can have potential harmful effects on our mental health. Even if you're not on the receiving end of bullying, witnessing someone being bullied for long periods can have an emotional impact on one’s mental health. As victims of bullying, you may experience having trouble sleeping, feeling anxious, stressed, paranoid and always on edge. 


Seek therapy to cope with any mental health concerns. iDare offers affordable therapy sessions that you can access via the app. You can schedule a session or book a free consultation if you have not tried therapy before. Please do not ignore your mental wellbeing. 

Bullying, like any other toxic behaviour, should not be tolerated in any space or capacity. The more we recognize and call out bad behaviour, the lesser opportunities that they have to enforce the toxicity on you. As stated before, we encourage you to talk about it- with your your parent/ teacher/ guardian/ mentor/ friend/ HR and describe how bullying impacts/ impacted on you. Put your needs and self first. The rest will follow! 
If you or somebody you know is going through something difficult and needs to get in touch with a therapist, consider reaching our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help!    
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