Abuse. The word has connotations and meanings different for each of us. 
At homes. In office spaces. In the world of social media. 
And everywhere in between. 
Experiences of violations of respect, of dignity, of consent, of freedom. Acts that intentionally cause harm or injury. 
In this Article, I hope to discuss insights on what often keeps us stuck in patterns that don’t serve us well and ways we can find our way out and our way through 
Inviting you to Join me in exploring… 
Is this really happening? 
Moments when you face violations of the trust you place in your loved ones. When you are not seen or heard and your needs constantly brushed aside. When there are violations of personal space, of your freedom to make your own choices. Choices of being and doing. When acts of harm and violence happen towards you. Physical, verbal, psychological. And when you finally summon the courage to express how you feel, you are termed ‘difficult’ or ‘demanding’ or ‘ungrateful’ 
This can happen with a caregiver, a parent, a colleague, a friend, a spouse or a partner. Yet, when these experiences hit you hard again and again and again, you end up questioning yourself; your sanity. Am I imagining this? Is my memory tricking me? Am I exaggerating what could have been unintentional? Shouldn’t I keep the focus on the perks that I get to experience from time to time?  
Why is it important to recognize Abuse?  
You can only change what you acknowledge. In our daily struggles to keep ourselves afloat, our thoughts and feelings can often feel like a jumbled mess that we have to contend with. Perhaps, you don’t have the luxury of time and the space to pause and take notice. And if you do, maybe you don’t want to face the repercussions. Of what this might reveal to you. And what it might compel you do next 
The price we pay is the silent toll that all of this takes on our mental health. On our self-perceptions. On perceptions of Life. And the chains we wound ourselves with and get stuck in, in the fear that there’s no way out. And the worst perhaps is the belief that slowly begins to form – that this is what I truly deserve. I am flawed and hence I must accept what is flawed. I cannot dare to venture out on my own as failure is certain. Hence, let me make peace with probably the best deal that I’ve got for who I am 
What keeps the patterns in place 
Fear of repercussions of raising my voice against my own kith and kin. Of being ostracized from one’s own community. Our own thoughts of self-doubt, questioning our self-worth as individuals. Feelings of shame and remorse about actions and behaviors in the past that we’re not proud of. Fear of being left alone. Fear of being termed a ‘failure’ amongst peers. Fear of failing 
Moments of peace and stability in between. That compel us to stay. In the hope that perhaps things will be resolved 
Steps ahead 
Awareness is the first step. Recognizing and validating your feelings of distress. This can be hardest part for many of us as this can raise fears and feelings that can be too overwhelming to tackle. Taking some time to look at what has been causing you distress lately. For some of us, this can also include memories of past instances that continue to haunt you in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, and frightening thoughts. 
Here are a few insights that can be helpful: 

Yes, acknowledging these experiences can feel intensely scary and daunting for the fear of consequences. The very nature of these feelings can be such that the focus dwells on worst case scenarios 


Knowing that you are not alone in facing your struggles. Resources that are trustworthy and reliable are within you reach 


As you reach out for help and support and learn to take baby steps ahead, feelings and situations that seemed unmanageable in the past can slowly give way for solutions and new beginnings 

Let me conclude with this… 
When the time comes when you cannot bear it any more 
Know that you have done it all and you have done enough 
Know that you don’t have to bear this alone 
Your feelings are valid and your fears too 
Perhaps it’s time to pay attention to your tears and cries in the dark 
Reach out for help that’s right there within your reach 
Soon, you’ll discover that what seemed like an end 
Is giving way to a new beginning 
A future where dreams can come true 
 
Cheers, mate! You got this. 
 
If you or someone you know is going through any forms of abuse, remember, you’re not alone. iDare offers affordable and inclusive support. Reach out to our "Support" and "Engage" verticals and take the first step towards a healthier, happier you. ❤️
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