The holiday season is a time when we’re told to embrace joy, togetherness, and gratitude. Lights strung across windows, sweets exchanged with neighbours, and laughter spilling out of homes. Yet, for many, it’s a time when the ghosts of childhood resurface. Especially in Indian families, where the bonds of tradition often tie us back to the very places we first felt hurt. 
Let’s be honest: the holidays can be a beautiful mess. They bring us closer to family, but they also open old wounds, especially for those carrying the weight of childhood trauma. This isn’t just about the arguments over who’s making the gulab jamun or whose turn it is to clean up after dinner. It’s about the quiet, unspoken pain that sits in the corners of the room, where memories of neglect, criticism, or abuse linger. 
Why does childhood trauma hit hard during the holidays? 
Holidays are like a double-edged sword. On one side, they’re filled with rituals that bring comfort and familiarity. On the other, they force us to return to spaces and people who might remind us of moments we’ve tried hard to forget. 
For someone who grew up in a household where love felt conditional, or where emotional or physical neglect was normalised, the festive season can be overwhelming. Imagine walking into a room where everyone’s smiling, but all you can hear are echoes of past criticism - "Why can’t you be more like your cousin?" or "Don’t cry, you’re ruining the mood." 
Unresolved childhood trauma doesn’t stay tucked away neatly. It sneaks into how we experience joy, how we receive love, and how we show up in relationships. And during the holidays, when expectations are high, it can feel like you’re carrying a weight no one else can see. 
The burden of emotional triggers 
Let’s paint a picture. You’ve returned home for Diwali, or Christmas. The house smells of incense and fresh sweets. Everyone’s gathered, exchanging gifts, cracking jokes. But you feel tense, as if you’re waiting for a pin to drop. 
Maybe it’s that one uncle who used to humiliate you in front of everyone, or a parent whose words cut deep even when they didn’t mean to. Perhaps it’s just the pressure of pretending everything is fine when it’s not. These triggers are subtle yet powerful, pulling you back into the roles you played as a child - the peacemaker, the invisible one, or the scapegoat. 
The unspoken truth?  What happened in childhood doesn’t just stay in childhood. It finds its way into adulthood, colouring your reactions, your boundaries, and your sense of worth. 
Perfectionism and the pressure to “Make It Perfect” 
For some, the response to childhood trauma is to overcompensate. If you grew up in chaos, you might now feel the urge to control every little detail during the holidays, making sure every diya is perfectly aligned, the Christmas cake tastes just right, and every conversation flows smoothly. 
Why? Because it gives a sense of control. It feels like if you can just get everything “right,” maybe the holidays won’t hurt as much. Maybe this time, it’ll be different. 
But perfectionism comes with a heavy price. It leaves little room for rest, for imperfection, for joy. You’re so busy orchestrating the perfect holiday that you miss out on experiencing it. 
What about those who feel like they don’t belong? 
Then there’s the flip side, those who never felt like they belonged in their own family. Coming home feels like stepping into a room full of strangers, even though they’re your blood. The jokes don’t land the same way, the traditions feel like they belong to someone else, and you’re left wondering why you’re even there. 
For these individuals, the holidays can amplify loneliness. It’s not about the absence of people; it’s about the lack of connection. And nothing feels more isolating than sitting at a crowded dinner table and still feeling alone. 
How can we navigate this?  

Name the Feelings It starts with acknowledgment. Instead of pushing the discomfort aside, name it. “This makes me anxious.” “I feel unseen.” Giving your feelings a voice takes away some of their power. 


Set Boundaries with Love It’s okay to say no to certain conversations, to certain gatherings, to certain people. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors with locks. You decide who gets to come in and when. 


Create New Traditions If old traditions bring more pain than joy, start your own. Maybe it’s a quiet walk before the festivities, lighting candles alone, or even volunteering. These small acts of self-care can reclaim the season for you. 


Lean Into Support Whether it’s a trusted friend, a partner, or a therapist, having someone to process your feelings with can make all the difference. Sometimes, just being heard is enough. 


Remember, It’s Okay to Take Space You don’t have to show up to every event. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health. You’re allowed to put yourself first, even during the holidays. 

Finding your peace amidst the chaos 
Childhood trauma doesn’t have to dictate how you experience the holidays forever. Yes, it might always cast a shadow, but with time and effort, you can learn to find light amidst it. This season, give yourself permission to feel, to grieve, and to heal. 
Because at the end of the day, the holidays aren’t just about family or tradition, but they’re about finding moments of peace, however small, and holding onto them tightly. 
If this resonates, know that help is available. The iDare app’s Support and Engage vertical is here for you, offering a safe and afforadable space to navigate the complexities of family, trauma, and healing. You’re not alone. 
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