The core iDare team is an all-women team. A few of us are also mothers. As mothers and part of an organization committed to unlearning taboos around abuse and mental health, we constantly seek to bring our learnings into practice. Our work taught us how important it is to reflect on how we practice parenting in our homes. As a result, we had an open discussion on the topic! What you shall read below are tiny snippets of our conversations!  
The hesitation with using the word 'toxic' when it comes to parenting 
While talking of parenting, 'toxic parenting' was one of the first concepts that came to our minds. However, we noticed that we were hesitant to use the word 'toxic' regarding parenting. It seems as we look at parents and parenthood with so much awe and admiration that we find it difficult to accept the toxicity it can be rooted in.  
Our socio-cultural factors have shaped our ideas around parenting so that we lack the lenses to see abuse and toxic behaviors in our families. Such portrayals continue to exist all around us and make it challenging for us to recognize abuse in the right place, at the right time. As a result, we normalize these behavior patterns to such an extent that we even start following them. This harmful practice only adds to the existing problem of ignoring our emotional and mental health. Our key takeaway was to be sensitive and open to accept that parents, too, can have toxic traits.  
When and who can understand the difference between 'parenting' and 'toxic parenting.' 
Building upon the arguments made above, we realize how raising a child in itself can be challenging. And to add to it, the mindfulness of being a healthy parent seems too much to expect from people who learn to be parents without any formal training or schooling. With such a socio-cultural background, it becomes difficult for the parent to be mindful of their actions, and it becomes even more difficult for the child to express their discomfort.  
However, this should not become a reason for us not to focus on healthy parenting. It's high time we learn that every child deserves a healthy and happy childhood, and it is every parent's responsibility to provide their child with the best they can in their lives.  
Here are certain actionable ways to ensure that you are providing your child healthy parenthood -  

Giving more autonomy to the child. 

 It is typical behavior from the parent's end to decide everything for the child because they are concerned. However, your child may not necessarily like all you choose for them and may rebel against it. Instead, try giving more importance to the decisions that the child makes for themself. This is a practice that should begin as early as possible. Giving your child the space to decide for themselves will improve your child's emotional intelligence and strengthen your bond with the child. The child may develop a sense of independence and confidence from a very young age which will help them deal with life effectively. 
Yes, there can also be possibilities of the child making wrong decisions or not choosing what is  best for them. However, the chances of children learning effectively are more when they learn from their mistakes and make bad decisions. Your responsibility in such cases as a healthy parent can be to be there for your child and support them in learning from their failures. After all, parents too can make mistakes and be wrong at times.  

Reasoning with the child  

When communicating with your children, try to reason why they should do certain things and why they think they shouldn't do it. This will help your child value communication and respect the people they are communicating with. This will help them feel valued and may make them feel confident about themselves. It will help them believe that they are being treated as equals in the family and not subordinated because of their age.   
Ideally, reasoning instead of ordering works well when it comes to healthy parenting. Your practice of reasoning with children will help them understand their feelings well. It can help them make better-informed life decisions. Making reasoning an integral part of communication with the child will also save them from falling into superstitious or illogical behaviors.   

Practicing gender equality  

As a parent, you may already know that your child imitates the behavior of the people who surround them. Abuse and mental health have a deep connection with the way families practice gender relations. Suppose the child grows up seeing only the men making important decisions in life. In that case, they will grow up to believe that only men can be good decision-makers. In reality, there is no connection between men being good decision-makers and women not making good decisions. However, the child may grow up believing and practicing gender stereotypes. These gender stereotypes will not just hamper the child's progress and performance at various stages in life but will also affect the collective progress of the society they are a part of.  
As a parent trying to practice gender equality, it is essential to remember that the struggle for gender equality is a lifelong process! You need not be brutal on yourself or your children/family members, either. Both you and your children have to be in it together. Try being as creative as possible when it comes to practicing gender equality. It will only build confidence and make us more sensitive to understanding trauma, abuse, and violence issues.  
iDare hopes it will be as fun to practice these healthy measures in parenting as it is to enjoy their benefits! Let our children help us grow as individuals and raise a better community!  
If you or somebody you know is going through something difficult and needs to get in touch with a therapist, consider reaching our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help!    
Like our content? Please show us some support by sharing and up-voting!
Image Credits: Pexels.com