Have a teenager at home? Worried they’re at "that age"? Worried they’re already having sex? Worried whether they're being safe? Worried if they know what they're doing? Do you want to talk to them about it but don't know how to? You've come to the right place. Here's some advice from a teenager herself :)  
  Understandably, it’s a confusing and uncomfortable topic. Sex, as a topic, is taboo in Indian culture. Forget talking to your children about sex; talking to anyone about anything related to sex has been quietened into background noise. Taking that step to talk to your children about sex can be scary and uneasy, but it is a step towards positively breaking the stigma around sex.  
  There are a couple of things to understand before talking to your kids about sex and all that it comes with. It is important to understand that sex is natural. Everyone grows into the idea of it and makes their preferences of sex respective to their sexual identity. The ages between 13-20, and sometime earlier or later, are the crucial years where an individual forms their sexual identity.  
  Talking to your children about sex helps them make responsible and informed decisions, with the acknowledgement that they have your support and help. Although it may not seem like it, many teenagers want guidance from their parents. The lack of experience scares, confuses and makes us anxious. Guidance from parents can help develop healthy boundaries in relationships and positively influence one's sexuality.  You need to know and understand some things before you talk to your child about sex.  
  You may think seizing an opportunity will best initiate the conversation. Maybe when a sex scene is presented in a movie you watch together. However, this will only make it more awkward for your child. To initiate a conversation, here are some things you can do:  

Ask them if they're free to sit down and talk to you for a while.  


Take them on a drive or use a trip to the supermarket as an opportunity  


Ask them to make time to talk to you one day.  

 
Understand that as awkward as it is for you, it is just as awkward for a child, if not more. Make it a comfortable and safe space. Be honest; express your hesitancy and awkwardness. Make it an honest and judgment-free atmosphere. These conversations are best done in private, either at home or in a private space, with only the two of you and no one else. The less people, the more comfortable the conversation. Avoid restaurants and other public places for this conversation.  
  Do not force the conversation on your child if they aren’t willing to participate. The entire conversation does not have to happen in one day. Break it into smaller conversations. This creates a more comfortable and welcoming atmosphere for the discussion, encouraging your child to be more open and comfortable with you.  
  Open up. A conversation works both ways. Share your opinions and experiences. This will help create a connection with your child and encourage them to open up to you, making them feel like you understand them. Share your teenage experiences trying to figure out your sexuality and your opinions. Understand that your opinion does not have to be theirs. Hear them out and explain why you disagree but understand that it's their opinion at the end of the day.  
  Look at it from your child's perspective. Do not lecture your child or use scary tactics to discourage sexual activity; it will not work. Not only will this create an unsafe environment, but it will also scare and discourage them from approaching you. Instead, listen to them. Understand their pressures, concerns, and challenges. If you still want to discourage sexual activity, gently explain why you disapprove and discourage it. It is okay to clarify where you stand on the topic; however, ensure you and your child are on the same page.  
  Don't just talk about the facts. Facts and basic information about sex can be found online, and your child likely knows of it. It is also important to discuss emotions, reactions, physical changes, attitudes, and values concerning sex. Discuss ethics and responsibility regarding your personal, familial, and religious beliefs. Sex is more than physical intimacy, so ensure your child is informed about the other aspects.  Your child may have several questions, some of which are listed below.  

How will I know I am ready?  


My significant other wants to have sex, I don't know if I want to. Should I?  


What if I'm gay?  


I have never had sexual feelings; is that normal?  

 
It is important to hear your child out and address questions in a positive light, making sure you discuss all the implications. The best way to discuss a delicate topic is to bring it up gently and wait for them to engage in conversation. Offer your child assistance in answering questions you aren’t aware of.  
  It is important to understand that regardless of whether you support them, they will accustom themselves to having sex. Understand that your child should make such decisions with your support and experience. Please do not get mad at them for exploring or for being curious. However, it is important to set boundaries that are mutually agreed upon. Try to create a positive relationship between you and your child that ensures you are kept in the loop about your child’s decisions.  
  Remind yourself what it was like to be a teenager yourself. Be kind and gentle with your child. A positive approach always makes more headway than a negative approach. Creating a supporting, judgment-free, and reliable relationship with your child can be very important for you as a parent and your child. Being empathetic and reasonable will ensure a secure and trusting relationship with your child, enabling them to explore their sexual identity.  
Due to the current structure of the Indian Education System, it is important that you, as a parent, make a conscious effort to discuss sex with your children.  
  
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This post represents the author’s personal views and experiences. iDare doesn’t endorse or take responsibility for the views expressed. 
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